empty nest

today I found it… on the porch… devoid of life

yesterday when we were outside I say she was not there… she was not nesting… they were both missing.

where was she? where were they? where is the chicken?

I felt for them also when she lost one egg, at the beginning of the nesting, some 6 weeks ago (?)… we found the broken egg on the porch.

I bet they didn’t cry for that… they moved on, driven by the force of life and death…

it’s just me who’s emptiness was touched by that…

today also… I am in a physically tired period (strong nausea, accumulated tiredness, out of feeding and sleeping rhythms, mind dispersed). after trying to rest some more, I come to eat… Ronen prepared late breakfast for us…

As I was chewing, swallowing… I felt SO TIRED, depleted of life…

I couldn’t help my head up… holding on the fork wash a tremendous effort… chewing, the same.

there was a moment in this state when the emptiness, missing of Pearl‘s embrace come to me (the fourth time when I feel this… missing)… overwhelming… so abrupt, unexpected. tears come out, warm tears, allowing them… I was being with the emptiness, the missing, the depletion… with softness.

their nest is empty too… out of life (maybe the chick is already attending its life) or out of death…?