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scrambled: feeling, being… writing
it was some two weeks ago when I noticed there are almost 100 published posts in my ( 🙂 this) blog.
now there are 104 published and 28 in drafts.
when I start this blog I was thinking “I have nothing to put here”…
I remember Ronen encouraging me to have a personal blog. first I rejected the idea, considering I have nothing to write “for the world”. then, when I realized I will do it for me, I came at peace, embracing the idea.
anyway, in many if my posts there are more things that I encounter, I quote, I feel / see / hear.
yes, these are all about me also, about things rippling inside…
but there is much more inside me… things what I would like to place them outside my mind (is this blog a creation of the mind? what is mind? is it outside? am I separated? where do I end?…) many times.
words don’t come easy for me. not in writing, not in speaking out.
maybe because clarity is not in place?… sometimes I know that is the case, sometimes words are not enough.
I many times look at my inner world, noticing feelings, emotions, sensations, experiences, perspectives. I many times look at them with the eye of the observer, of the impartial surgeon, of the writer… I many other times I am those…
many times imagining myself writing about it, in terms of placing them also outside of my mind, maybe to have a different perspective.
I sometimes notice myself I would like the world to see me, to feel me, to notice me… out of the need to be seen, acknowledged, loved.
I know the world is busy with their own… inner worlds.
so rarely I can collect my own feelings, thoughts, expressions… emotions… into words.
I wanna write about hurting, depression, circles, tribes….
about love and lack of it, mom, birthing, Pearl, Daniel, Ronen, Andreea & Mihaela, Sweety, Luci, Annelieke, Sunni, Andreea…
about being seen, not (good) enough, emptiness, about tears, warm healing tears…
about practice which is calling me and I look at it not following, knowing my mind is so dispersed…
about knowing that no one can do the inner work for me… and yet calling for a hand from outside…
about loneliness, impermanent states which seems eternal, unclarity and how this covers the sky of my being and ripples into other skies…
about being frozen…
about the softness or lack of it, for all these…
please… please, see me, embrace me sometimes… even if I don’t write, speak… my mind calls…
my heart and soul is yearning for belonging to the tribe, to the village.
empty nest
today I found it… on the porch… devoid of life
yesterday when we were outside I say she was not there… she was not nesting… they were both missing.
where was she? where were they? where is the chicken?
I felt for them also when she lost one egg, at the beginning of the nesting, some 6 weeks ago (?)… we found the broken egg on the porch.
I bet they didn’t cry for that… they moved on, driven by the force of life and death…
it’s just me who’s emptiness was touched by that…
today also… I am in a physically tired period (strong nausea, accumulated tiredness, out of feeding and sleeping rhythms, mind dispersed). after trying to rest some more, I come to eat… Ronen prepared late breakfast for us…
As I was chewing, swallowing… I felt SO TIRED, depleted of life…
I couldn’t help my head up… holding on the fork wash a tremendous effort… chewing, the same.
there was a moment in this state when the emptiness, missing of Pearl‘s embrace come to me (the fourth time when I feel this… missing)… overwhelming… so abrupt, unexpected. tears come out, warm tears, allowing them… I was being with the emptiness, the missing, the depletion… with softness.
their nest is empty too… out of life (maybe the chick is already attending its life) or out of death…?
creating a Space of Love
Every Man* must create around himself his own Space of Love and offer it to his child. Bearing children without preparing a Space of Love for them is criminal. Every Man must create around himself a small Space of Love. And if everyone understood this and acted upon. then the whole Earth would become the brightest focus of Love in the Universe. This is the way He wanted it, and this is Man’s purpose. For only Man is capable of creating such Space.
*Man – throughout the Ringing Cedars, the word Man with a capital M is used as the equivalent of the Russian word chelovek, including both male and female, as for example, the word man is used in Genesis I:27.
excerpt from “The Space of Love” by Vladimir Megre
(Anastasia books – The Ringing Cedars of Russia series, 3rd book)
by Freckled Sky
this also filled my heart today…
nice what a programmer with a dream and two beautiful dancers can co-create!…
“something big without limitation… like a big digital poetry” (says Val).
another one here:
after exploring some more about them and seeing all they’ve been creating since their first .. I have a not-so-full after taste… it mainly went into business…
I’ll stay with the first impression 🙂
and watching these I remembered I haven’t danced for a while… and I miss it…
sacred woman for a sacred man: (song) Duran Duran “Lay, Lady, Lay”
I’ve just remembered this song…
didn’t find (didn’t search much either) find a more softer video for it…
not the video is relevant now and here, but the lyrics :)… below
to a sacred woman,
to a sacred man,
they dwell in my heart too
<3
—
Lay lady lay, lay across my big brass bed.
Lay lady lay, lay across my big brass bed.Whatever colors you have in your mind
I show them to you and you see them shine.Lay lady lay, lay across my big brass bed,
Stay lady stay, stay with your man a while.
Until the break of day, let me see you make him Smile.His clothes are dirty but his, his hands are clean
And you’re the best thing that he’s ever seen.Stay lady stay, stay with your man a while.Why wait any longer for the world to begin
You can have your cake and eat it too
Why wait any longer for the one you love
When he’s standing in front of you, ooh oohLay across my big brass bed.
Stay lady stayI long to see you in the morning light
I long to reach for you in the nightStay lady stay, stay while the night is still aheadLay lady lay…
Stay… stay!…
Ahhh ahhhhhhh
Ohhhh![[artist] Diana Manole – rerotikon](http://iulia-sara.ro/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/rerotikon.jpg)
[artist] Diana Manole – rerotikon
first I saw the poster of her exibition on Facebook
there’s something calling my attention in some of her work…
education… on souls
“education is forming of impressions on souls” – Chen Miller, teacher from Israel.
love talk about the emergence of the Universe, with Daniel Schmachtenberger
two evenings ago we watched and listen, together with Ronen, this video:
I was breathless… there is not word thrown, no word misused, no empty words, no works to fill the blanks in his presentation.
Daniel talks about how the Universe works… about emergence, synergy (of which I was always fascinated by and driven by when I was working in organizations, with people), relationships, allurement, evolution (defined as “more elegantly ordered complexity”), consciousness, meaning, experiential self of the moment, spiritual ideals, mind, the self, the whole, the more beautiful future, creating beauty, aliveness, interconnectedness, the uniqueness of each individual to participate, humanity (which “becomes a property”), commons, “awareness of us as facets of one integrated self-evolving reality”.
“in a meaningful way I am actually the evolutionary impulse of Universe who woke up to itself to form that has adequate ordered complexity to contemplate that and then get to consciously choose how o participate with it…”
“your self-actualization is compulsory”, a “unique role to play”…
now “we don’t have humanity”, “we have humans bumping, we have organelles that haven’t organized as a cell that search breathing”…
“what can I actually do to make my life of greatest use to all life?”
and he’s doing this so… naturally, bear foot, wearing shorts and t-shirt, on a beach <3… have I ever write here that I am a sapiosexual?
<3
PS: if you listen to Daniel and feel the same, write me, call me, I want to know more about you! 🙂
M.N. Saunders on vipassana
I admit I felt good reading Saunder’s comments on A critique of Vipassana Meditation as taught by Goenka.
I haven’t write my thoughts to the critique yet – I have some things to say, from my own experience – but I will put here Sander’s comments, as he is also a part of the professionals who are backing up the technique with factual from medical research.
The fight or flight mechanism causes the body to contract due to stressors in our environment.
Over years these contractions remain as tension or tone in all the body muscles, which are not released.
When muscles are tense they send signals back to the brain and the greater the tone, the higher the frequency of the signals.
If the body has a great deal of tension, then the brain becomes overwhelmed with signals and starts having less stamina to deal with the day to day requirements of dealing with life.
The Goenka technique requires us to concentrate on these tensions and the brain then starts to release the tension. Over time we start to reprogramme all the muscles to remove the tension built up over many years. This has the affect of making the body more flexible, lighter and less painful. In addition, it removes a great deal of load off the brain and gives the brain extra stamina to deal with the needs of life.
The brain feels refreshed and at easy which enables sound judgments and clear thinking.
The technique is based on sound physiology of the body.
If you read the article “The physiology of boredom depression and senile dementia” by M.N. Saunders, you will find out the processes that occur in the brain which bring about the changes and results in a mind that is free of clutter and is sharp and clear.I searched for the paper ““The physiology of boredom depression and senile dementia” by M.N. Saunders” he is referring, I guess it is written by himself, I only found the abstract as it is under research communities repositories.
and…
My final comments on the matter.
You remove a little tension from the body and you get a little peace.
You remove a lot of tension from the body and you get a lot of peace.
You remove ALL the tension from the body and you get TOTAL PEACE AND TRANQUILITY IN BOTH THE BODY AND MIND.Isn’t that something worth striving for?
A critique of Vipassana Meditation as taught by Goenka
I just read this article and all the comments to it. It is an extended writing about the vipassana technique and thr 10-day course. I appreciate the effort of the author to gather these many aspects of it. I also wanted to write about it…
If one did not took a 10-day vipassana course in a Goenka center, this text might be irrelevant.
I have now a basis for my writing… there are things I want to say… of course, as I perceive them through my experience and lenses.
I can see the mechanistics of looking at vipassana here… also see some of my mind looking for answers for some of the questions and perceptions I had during my all 10-day sittings.
I am curious about how other vipassana practitioners who are practicing it for many years see this, through their own practice and life experience.
soon to be continued here…
