unspoken: no words

words…
what are they?….
who are they?…
you sleep… it’s me who needs to speak out somehow… and it’s good that I am here… with you

would you forgive me,
if, again, I will not let you sleep with my speaking?
…
words…
wondering hou would it be to have a smooth relationship with them
other that…using them… It feels impersonal
relationship.. which is NOT… feels like
dry words… and yet they are born of me
like own children which you don’t recognize as yours
does that mean I am… dry?

…here I go again… [judging myself also]
there is something inside of me which feel so UNSPOKEN
what is IT?
feels disconnected
feels… like so close and yet so far
like a blind spot you know is there but you cannot see
a blackhole which sucks my energy, attention…. and I cannot get close to it

yet these creatures…words… are creating the bridge between myself and the world
….and you, you, you, you… and all my significant others.
is in this context I feel these creatures are not with me… are going away from me
running away
and I have this sense of… missing the vehicle to relate… to construct…
yet when I am with no words (in fact when I am not with words)… I am with…. feel(ing)s.
which for me are enough… are they, really?! sometimes I know they are, I know it inside…
and there are times I feel… like… without hands… eyes…. tongue… mouth…

abyss between me and the world
feeling like talking about… nothing here, again… see?! no words at hand… at least not specific ones…

my mind is unclear now…

going to find sleep now