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Author: Iulia
for when I forget about myself
I am going to start posting here reflections for those moments when I forget about myself… when I feel lost… unworthy, not enough, not good and everything in this register.
in those moments I will come back here… and breath in… and come back to ground 0… 🙂
there’s going to be the find myself again category for all those posts, for fast access 😀
reinventing organizations
“there’s something broken with the way we run organizations today.”
This is how Frederic Laloux starts this talk on Reinventing Organizations.
these were the reasons I left organizations. too much control from the top management, plans with no meaningful purpose, managers not walking the talk etc, no inspiring or empowering leaders, people loosing their light on the way, no passion from management.
in the beginning of 2015 I’ve decided I will not work in business organizations again, at least in the type of ones I worked in or the types I worked with or heard of, that includes all multinationals I know around in Romania.
Laloux has been doing a three year study which reveals some of the aspects I’m trying to implement in all my… so called work / career.. which is so part of my life :).
He says that the new emerging organizational management paradigm which seams to work and have tremendous results (also in numbers!) implement the following elements:
- self-management: in which, for example, decision making processes are not hierarchical nor consensus but implemented as an advice process, where everyone in the organization can make a decision based on consulting with a more experience person in the areas of decision and also with someone who will be directly affected by that decision.
- wholeness: which main focus is to create a safe space for people to work in and includes practices like feedback & evaluations, storytelling, compensations & incentives, on-boarding, office-space, conflict resolutions, recruitment, dismissal.
- evolutionary purpose: leaders are listening to where the organization wants naturally called to go and facilitate that way.
most of the organizations included in his research have no budgets, no targets, no sales targets. 🙂 sounds crazy for some, eh? 🙂
here is the entire talk:
I dedicate this talk with reverence and deep appreciation for all the experiences we’ve shared together with Calin E, Dumitru R, Dragos P and Calin F, along the way.
these experiences had brought me to where I am today – doing what I love, involving in projects I feel passionate about, meeting people with similar interests and meaningful purposes. 🙂 <3
a goddess
today I was gifted the privileged of witnessing a birth… in pictures.
the images offered me glimpses of a natural birth, at home. there was the MOTHER, her partner, the doula, the photographer and of course… the little angel they were all welcoming.
I felt the mother so in tune with HERself in those moments. Natural, confident in HER experience, spacious in the unfolding experience.
I felt him supportive, being there next to HER, holding HER, touching HER, massaging HER…I felt the doula so supportive of the space, of the moments. I felt her being there with ferm and at the same time minimum interference. She left space for the mother to be with herself in the experience, she left them being together in their togetherness. I felt her helping the process with her skills (massaging HER back, holding HER belly, washing the baby as she was doing that her whole life) and loving presence (covering baby’s head after the birth, putting a napkin under the mother after birth).
This was the closed I’ve been to a natural home birth.
SHE was a goddess and I was gifted to witness some of those moments.
I feel reverence, love and appreciation for at least the five persons directly participating in the experience.
<3to the sacredness
to the goddess in me and HERto the doulas
to the fathers
to the fairies
to the angels
I bowand wish for myself and all the women in the world… that when the time comes to welcome a child into this world… in our nest-temples, we will also say “I am a GODDESS, thank you for witnessing”.
<3
—
the picture of this post is from the The Birth Project Paintings of Amanda Greavette Fine Art
here are some videos of births… <3
a being of sound
I was just listening this with Ronen and with Annelieke in my heart.
I felt he is creating a being of sound… touching beyond that attic. he let it out in this Universe.
what I am feeling out of- toghether with it is… unfolding wholeness, firesc, expression, presence, authenticity, joy, passion, togetherness, emotional touch.
allow yourself at least the 18 minutes with it (with quality speakers or headphones).
<3
in-joy
chocolate
i’m not a chocolate eater… usually, but when projects reporting times comes… LET THERE BE CHOCOLATE!! 🙂
in these times, chocolate goes well…
with apples…
with tangerines…
with bananas…
with bread (homemade 😉 )…
with… itself :D…
with tea…
chocolate…
any (good) chocolate…
thank you, chocolate! 😀
:)))
PS: OH, and in these times I EAT non-stop 🙂
Sandra and Felix… co-creators of Gubal
goes so deep…
Gubal is the latest generation of hang from PANart
http://gubal.ch/
<3
PS: if you ever want to gift me with something in this world, Gubal it is 🙂 (as the hang is out of production and didn’t arrived in my laps and under my palms).
unspoken: no words
words…
what are they?….
who are they?…
you sleep… it’s me who needs to speak out somehow… and it’s good that I am here… with youwould you forgive me,
if, again, I will not let you sleep with my speaking?
…
words…
wondering hou would it be to have a smooth relationship with them
other that…using them… It feels impersonal
relationship.. which is NOT… feels like
dry words… and yet they are born of me
like own children which you don’t recognize as yours
does that mean I am… dry?…here I go again… [judging myself also]
there is something inside of me which feel so UNSPOKEN
what is IT?
feels disconnected
feels… like so close and yet so far
like a blind spot you know is there but you cannot see
a blackhole which sucks my energy, attention…. and I cannot get close to ityet these creatures…words… are creating the bridge between myself and the world
….and you, you, you, you… and all my significant others.
is in this context I feel these creatures are not with me… are going away from me
running away
and I have this sense of… missing the vehicle to relate… to construct…
yet when I am with no words (in fact when I am not with words)… I am with…. feel(ing)s.
which for me are enough… are they, really?! sometimes I know they are, I know it inside…
and there are times I feel… like… without hands… eyes…. tongue… mouth…abyss between me and the world
feeling like talking about… nothing here, again… see?! no words at hand… at least not specific ones…my mind is unclear now…
going to find sleep now
cereale libere
Dragi prieteni ai Pamantului Liber,
De ceva vreme facem painea noastra, acasa.
Zilele acestea am pornit si maia-ua noastra proprie… In curand vom cumpara si o moara de facut faina, ca sa stim si ce punem in paine.
Va fi o moara mica, nu industriala.
Pasul urmator este sa gasim cerealele din care sa facem faina, asadar vin spre voi cu rugamintea: cine are sau stie persoane care vand cereale este rugat sa imi dea un semn. Ne intereseaza experiente directe sau indirecte dar in cunostinta de cauza. Ne intereseaza cereale din seminte libere, crescute cu grija pentru pamant si recolta, curate si impresurate cu iubire :).
Ne intereseaza totul: grau, alac (spelta), hrisca, mei, orez, secara, orz, ovaz, porumb, sorg…
Ne intereseaza cereale locale… noi suntem in zona Mures, Cluj… pot fi din toata Transilvania.
Multumiri, asteptam cu drag semne :).
PS: prietenii mei dragi, nu am uitat de reteta pentru paine, promit sa revin cu postarea curand! multumesc pentru rabdare! 🙂
it takes a lot to be a woman
today it was the first meeting with the Fairy Godmothers…
unele femei m-au intrebat sau au afirmat la despartire ca ne stim de undeva dar nu stiu de unde… well, eu am simtit asta de cand ne-am adunat in acelasi spatiu fizic, fata de unele chiar puternic… familiaritatea aceea de care nu ma mai speriu :).
normal ca ne stim de undeva… de pe aici… iar acum ne-am intalnit si fizic pentru prima oara.
in aceasta seara am avut trairi mixte… on one side and in some moments I was feeling filled (literraly inside by body, mostly in my womb and my heart) with warmth, joy… blessed…
on other moments I was noticing myself thinking about “what am I doing here?”, “are we serious adults talking about fairies?”.
I felt some of the women really close to in heart, as we were sharing our opinions in group opening.
what shimmered for me again… was the realization about who am I, as a woman…
Cristina (one of the women who “knows be from somewhere”) was asking at the end of the meeting, how can we differenciate between the woman…where woman ends and when the girl begins?
what come to me again and it came to me for many times in the past couple of months… what I know with by whole being is that:
I’m a bitch, I’m a lover, I’m a child, I’m a mother
I’m a sinner, I’m a saint, I do not feel ashamed.the child inside me never ends… the lover… the same…sometimes I am a child… sometimes I’m a bitch. different moments in my life triggers some part of me and I express that in those moments. and they are mostly labels we use to identify a behaviour.the mother it’s still waiting, but I feel it more and more close. I know now there will be a child coming through me in this life. I fell something it’s cooking around me, bigger then myself, beyond my rational decision about it.I feel the motherhood inside me (dedicated post for this coming soon – it’s a lot going on).the words still resonating inside me from the meeting today are sacred, together, expressing, unspoken.
