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Category: myself
unspoken: no words
words…
what are they?….
who are they?…
you sleep… it’s me who needs to speak out somehow… and it’s good that I am here… with youwould you forgive me,
if, again, I will not let you sleep with my speaking?
…
words…
wondering hou would it be to have a smooth relationship with them
other that…using them… It feels impersonal
relationship.. which is NOT… feels like
dry words… and yet they are born of me
like own children which you don’t recognize as yours
does that mean I am… dry?…here I go again… [judging myself also]
there is something inside of me which feel so UNSPOKEN
what is IT?
feels disconnected
feels… like so close and yet so far
like a blind spot you know is there but you cannot see
a blackhole which sucks my energy, attention…. and I cannot get close to ityet these creatures…words… are creating the bridge between myself and the world
….and you, you, you, you… and all my significant others.
is in this context I feel these creatures are not with me… are going away from me
running away
and I have this sense of… missing the vehicle to relate… to construct…
yet when I am with no words (in fact when I am not with words)… I am with…. feel(ing)s.
which for me are enough… are they, really?! sometimes I know they are, I know it inside…
and there are times I feel… like… without hands… eyes…. tongue… mouth…abyss between me and the world
feeling like talking about… nothing here, again… see?! no words at hand… at least not specific ones…my mind is unclear now…
going to find sleep now
it takes a lot to be a woman
today it was the first meeting with the Fairy Godmothers…
unele femei m-au intrebat sau au afirmat la despartire ca ne stim de undeva dar nu stiu de unde… well, eu am simtit asta de cand ne-am adunat in acelasi spatiu fizic, fata de unele chiar puternic… familiaritatea aceea de care nu ma mai speriu :).
normal ca ne stim de undeva… de pe aici… iar acum ne-am intalnit si fizic pentru prima oara.
in aceasta seara am avut trairi mixte… on one side and in some moments I was feeling filled (literraly inside by body, mostly in my womb and my heart) with warmth, joy… blessed…
on other moments I was noticing myself thinking about “what am I doing here?”, “are we serious adults talking about fairies?”.
I felt some of the women really close to in heart, as we were sharing our opinions in group opening.
what shimmered for me again… was the realization about who am I, as a woman…
Cristina (one of the women who “knows be from somewhere”) was asking at the end of the meeting, how can we differenciate between the woman…where woman ends and when the girl begins?
what come to me again and it came to me for many times in the past couple of months… what I know with by whole being is that:
I’m a bitch, I’m a lover, I’m a child, I’m a mother
I’m a sinner, I’m a saint, I do not feel ashamed.the child inside me never ends… the lover… the same…sometimes I am a child… sometimes I’m a bitch. different moments in my life triggers some part of me and I express that in those moments. and they are mostly labels we use to identify a behaviour.the mother it’s still waiting, but I feel it more and more close. I know now there will be a child coming through me in this life. I fell something it’s cooking around me, bigger then myself, beyond my rational decision about it.I feel the motherhood inside me (dedicated post for this coming soon – it’s a lot going on).the words still resonating inside me from the meeting today are sacred, together, expressing, unspoken.
divinitate
aranjez deja la multe niveluri si sunt parte din…. acest “proiect”, “curs” (@ feminitate.org) sa ii spunem… poate fi numit si viata 🙂nu pot face diferenta intre ele…angajamentul meu a fost luat deja intern… cu ceva vreme in urma…si da, este in primul rand pentru divinitatea care se manifesta prin mine, care este in fiecare din noi. poate suna egoist… nu e deloc… daruirea pe care o simt fata de Universul intreg mi-e calauza… si am multe de oferit: mie si femeilor din jurul meu. deja se intampla… prima dovada sunt eu :)… din ce in ce mai eu!inca inainte sa apara mesajul publicat de Andreea si Mihaela pe feminitate.org, in ultimele trei luni impartasesc cu doi prieteni dragi cat de sacred-devine-goddess ma simt de din-ce-in-ce-mai multe ori… cu tot ce inseamna asta… cu toata energia care curge prin mine… cu tot ce simt ca vine din urma – generatii, ancestral, energia feminina care se manifesta pentru ca si acest spirit sa se poata manifesta fizic in acest corp-tub minunat :).“IMPREUNA” este de vreo 2 ani o tema principala in aceasta perioada a vietii mele… si in primul rand IMPREUNA cu mine 😛asadar incepem weekendul viitor, apoi ne vedem pe 14.11, 12.12, 09.0.2016 etc… a 10-a intalnire va fi pe 13.08.2016. minunat!mintea imi spune in continuare “nu ai ce cauta acolo, tu nu esti mama”… insa stiu dincolo de minte ce sunt ;)..si da, zambesc… si da, si mintea mea va fi cu mine la intalniri :P… ne vom tine de mana cu blandete…I’m (with)in, all the way! <3love and blessing to all the women in the world!
meetings on the skin: ode to the WOMAN
how would it be to meet THE WOMAN?!… the true woman inside me… the one outside me?!…
how would it be to allow her to express herself?!… the way she is… tender… simple… sacred… powerful… vulnerable… touching… soft… strong, true to herself and to others… crying, laughing, crying and laughing at the same time for many times…
how would it be to not be afraid of this… to not be afraid of myself in that moment, not be afraid of herself…?!
how?!…
it is… beyond any words I could write here… divine!
grateful to meet you, woman… grateful for our meetings on the skin… for our hearts meeting… the way I am, the you are… the way we are…
grateful to meet the pure feminine inside, sacred ourselves… within ourselves… holding all of us… holding our hearts, holding our hands along the way…
I feel I’m opening up… I’m here all the way… tapping into my heart’s freedom beyond my body… freedom of my heart loving myself and loving YOU, WOMAN!
I have so much to offer… to share… the explore… to breathe in and breathe out… to touch, to kiss, to feel…
… in the meetings of our skin… <3
_/\_
“Why are you taking this course?”
On 8th of March I enrolled in the “Space Between Stories” online “course” with Charles Eisenstein, his invites and people around the world.
In enrollment, he was asking us to answer the “Why are you taking this course?“question from four perspectives. Here are my answers for today…
1. Answer as if speaking to an acquaintance or relative who might be uncomfortable with the changes you are facing or have been through.
I’m embarking in this (let’s call it) course so that I can better understand my “changes”, my deeper wanting of being myself and connecting in quality with the precious spirits around me (myself, you, people in my life, Mother Earth, all beings in the Universe etc.).2. Answer as if speaking to a trusted counselor, an ally on your evolutionary journey.
I’m taking this course because you know I feel this inner calling which drives me to living a simpler, closer to nature life, calling me for changes I want for a long time (and refuse to hear it for a long time). Thank you for bringing Charles and his vision into my life
– as you’re holding my hand and knowing Charles (and people like you two) gives me hope for ourselves, for humanity, empowers me, gives me strength and purpose to keep co-creating the small changes that drive to bigger impact on our in-need-for-ourselves world.3. Answer as if speaking to your future self on his or her deathbed.
You know I don’t want us to get to that moment of you telling me “I wish you’d had the courage to live a life true to yourself, not the life others expected of you”. I walk and co-create now the new stories, the story of my own self, with courage, trust and kindness, stories for the most beautiful world my and our hearts know to be(come) possible.4. Answer as if speaking to Gaia, the living planet; to the totality of all life on earth.
Dear Mother, I feel you calling me back to you as I haven’t listened to your call for a long time. I pushed back, I ran away from you and myself and lately as I / we cared less, your call is stronger then ever. I feel it, I see it and it’s time for us to be one again: I am taking this endeavor to get ready. I know I am ready! And it’s such a privilege to come together with other precious spirits in co-creating the new stories. The stories that take care of me, us, oneness, you and all the beings around. We are (be)coming back, Mother, and we are ready!
trees
zilele trecute am plantat trei copaci… de fapt sunt pomi fructiferi…
37 de ani… 3 pomi :)… intentionez sa mai modific numerele astea [da…da… observ gandurile pe care le am acum]
sunt intr-un loc special…
pe langa faptul ca am plantat pomii, simt ca am plantat in acel pamant ceva din mine, radacini de suflet care vor sa prinda putere… putere sa vina impreuna cu Mama Natura, sa imbratiseze solul nutritiv, sa primeasca nutrientii care sunt deja disponibili imprejur, sa flitreze ce e nevoie, sa hraneasca un trunchi sanatos, viguros si flexibil in acelasi timp, trunchi care sa ramana in picioare in mijlocul furtunii, sa nasca frunze ce se intind la soare, sa creasca fructe dulci, zemoase sau cum le este felul…
engleza… romana…
aici…
o sa scriu in romana, in engleza… sau alte limbi…
o sa scriu corect, poate incorect, in propozitii sau doar asa… “aruncat” in randuri sau cuvinte…
o sa scriu cu sau fara diacritice…
o sa scriu cu litere mari sau mici, cu punctuatie sau nu…
o sa scriu despre mine… si chiar cand o sa scriu despre altii sau ce e imprejur, tot despre mine va fi…
o sa scriu cum imi vine…
o sa scriu, asta e sigur, pe limba sufletului meu… si am s-o fac in primul rand pentru mine,
amen.
So, I write… hello world, again!
A dear friend of mine was telling me some days ago that this website is dead.
I would say it is (was 😉 ) dormant, as I created it back in… 2012 March! WOW… more three years since the intention to write :D. I know 3 is a special number to me. Anyway, I was writing, but outside the Internet, in my journals and it was just for me.
Yes, it was like this my old stories looked like – intention starts then action takes time, until something inside cooks.
What I know now it is still me I create new stories. The stories in which my heart know that a more beautiful world is possible! In these new stories, I met people at the right time and place, I connect with them, I reconnect with myself, I co-create time-space which is serving myself, the ones around me, Mother Earth and all the beings.
So, hello world, again! 😀
This is me on the way – trusting the process, noticing the struggle, breathing in and out, writing myself out.
This is me, who kept searching for myself for many years, believing my own and others bullshit. I still have a lot of it inside but I kindly look at it and holding it in my heart and as other special beings are holding my hand and are by my side, I rediscover my way back home.
A home where I (we) feel safe, protected, strong, soft, empowered, in congruence with oneness, with you, whomever you may be.
OH, same friend was telling me to become more specific so I will try that from now on. As specific intentions and thoughts drives to specific actions.
So, I write! 🙂
![[acrostih] Sunt un Poem de Iubire](http://iulia-sara.ro/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/poem-day-large.jpg)
[acrostih] Sunt un Poem de Iubire
Se pare ca sunt totusi
Uneori… azi de exemplu…
Nu ma pot abtine sa nu fiu IUBIRE!
Tacere… pace… e simplu parca.Una cu mine, aproape de centru(l meu)
Norii trec si vin, raman doar eu.P…. imi aduce aminte de mine.
OH, ce minune ca sunt, ce minune ca e!
Eu… cer, pasari, natura… poem, iubire.
Maine e noul AZI!D
oar de mine depindein cand in cand
E bine sa fiu: poem, iubire, poem de iubire.Iubire,
Una cu mine,
Bine cu mine
Inauntrul meu.
Ramane sa fiu doar, sa raman
EU!Noiembrie 2014
