The Pain You Feel is Capitalism Dying

The Pain You Feel is Capitalism Dying

yes, it hurts… I know it… it hurt me from the moment I started to put my heart into everything I did… to relate heart to heart with the people I worked with.

it hurt so much that my body was screaming in illness (heart, thyroid, stomach, sexuality etc.). i killed my pain with more “work”, getting to sleep on my working desk from 5 to 7 am (it was no point of going home, having almost no sleep then coming back), numbing my feelings, living as a dead near the persons who loved me – crying out that I am not there until their tears dried off too -, me smiling on the outside to everyone, dying inside, searching for different therapists to solve my issues, even flying to USA for this(!).

something was not right, I was not doing it right… everyone else was seeming to be alright. they were not… I realized it after many years that they were also not alright. they were also struggling.

then I stepped out…

first (2005) when my heart was so torn from a decision of my boss, that I swore to myself I will never work with people who are not in their hearts.

secondly (2008) when I realized I was doing a crapy (not really wanted) job hoping they will fire me (not having the courage to scream out-loud!). they didn’t – I quit.

since 2005 I have the privilege to understand… and to connect the dots.

since then, working with career counseling, I know… when there is no heart, there is no life, when gifts are not acknowledged and manifested there is a hard time, stressful time, painful time… and not only for the person itself.

and yes, it’s a hard time to place your heart and gifts in organizations who are extracting wealth out of you, organizations which only claims to have you as their center, who claims to take care of you.

back in Feb 2015 I realized I will never find myself going back to the business environment again, at least for the one which is happening now… and it’s not going in a good direction.

Joe Brewer is right, IT is dying…

maybe there will be organizations which look like Frederic is describing, will see…

meanwhile, I choose to be next to children making sure their wings are clean, next to youth and adults who are in search for their hearts, gifts… for themselves… be close to them… hold the mirror so that they KNOW they are ALRIGHT!

precious humble job – sometimes is called facilitator, sometimes career counselor. I’m doing… nothing – they do everything – they have that power.

I light candles… I hold mirrors…