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Category: myself
![Anna Breytenbach – Buddha at the Gas Pump Interview: presence, awareness, ripples, seen, unseen [video]](http://iulia-sara.ro/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/Anna-Breytenbach.jpg)
Anna Breytenbach – Buddha at the Gas Pump Interview: presence, awareness, ripples, seen, unseen [video]
“we are just differently arranged holding patterns”
Byron Katie and Alanis Morissette <3
Byron Katie and Alanis Morissette :)… two minds who touched my soul this lifetime <3.
I was working with “The Work” on myself and with my counseling clients years ago…. and I still use it when I work with some people (when suited). I recommended it many times as a practical tool for my counseling trainees.
An Alanis… I just saw God in her since she played Her(self) :D… her awakening expressed in her music is with us for years now.
Nice to hear them together…
<3
![Don’t go back to sleep [Rumi]](http://iulia-sara.ro/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/rumi.jpg)
Don’t go back to sleep [Rumi]
The breezes at dawn have secrets to tell you
Don’t go back to sleep!You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep!People are going back and forth
across the doorsill where the two worlds touch,The door is round and open
Don’t go back to sleep!― Rumi
I received this poem on a small piece of paper, in a storytelling group in Cluj. I feel this (“Don’t go back to sleep”) is the theme of this lifetime for me…
I am moving back and forth from ignorance towards the Light and back… back and forth…
Yet, I have faith now the trust that there is no other way then towards the Light, in the End :)).
I keep that piece of paper on my night stand since then, as a reminder… Thank you, Sandra. <3
Krishnamacharya and all the humble spirits
last night around 4 am I woke up with Krishnamacharya in my mind and heart.
I am reading these days “Yoga and the Living Tradition of KRISHNAMACHARYA”, written by his son T.K. V. Desikachar with R.H. Craven… and feeling so grateful to further discover the humbleness of this… man.
last night I had this deep feeling of gratefulness for all the spirits that touches my life and brought me to this moment… spirits what keeps humanity living, what cares for life…
all came to me last night…
my father come to me… the first time when I met humbleness in this lifetime was in my father… he was offering so much for this world, in his context, without asking for anything in return, having this deep trust that all is good… and being good and doing good just as a way of living… i recognized this later… when he was not around in the physicality.
Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh come to me… he offered my a glimpse of what love and life can be… lit my life in some of the most “darkest” moments… moments that got me into the light… his humbleness offered me hope… i always knew there is something grater then me and my “issues” and he touched that in me… he was gone from this physical world when I found him… but so grateful to live some of my lifetime when he also lived (departed 1990).
Buddha, Saya Gyi U Ba Khin, S.N. Goenka (departed 2013), Adi and all the teaching assistant of vipassana that I met come to me… when I met Rodica at Dumbrava… I felt she’s humbleness embodied… one of the the most soft , loving (metta) and determined (adhitthana) women i met in this lifetime.
i remember the fourth morning of my first vipassana retreat, 24th of August, 2007, 4 am, my mind didn’t want to wake up to go to the meditation hall (“I am tired, I want to sleep”)… I knew the the hall was full, I was still in bed… judging myself heavily for that. she came to my room, put on the light and with the softest-loving and firmest voice I’ve ever heard she said “it’s time for you to come, we are waiting for you”. and she stood there, her eyes down, in noble silence, creating space for me to pass the door, holding me soft in her heart… no trace of judgment, felt her love giving me power to stand up and move…she was the one whom I feel supported by, in the moment I entered the full hall waiting for me – noticing later that was the most shameful moment of my life :).
Rodica it’s always in the background of the Dumbrava Vipassana Meditation Center… like a beckon… holding the space with her love, compassion and humbleness.
then Pantajali, Nathamuni, Krishnamachyara (departed 1989), Desikachar (departed couple pf days ago)… all this lineage what brought and continue to hold the teachings of Yoga into the world.
I woke up this morning wanting to specifically know more about Krishnamacharya… I WANT to be on the MAT, to know him (his qualities) through his teachings… and not only…
most of the times I go to the mat (or sitting) I invoke these great spirits and in closing my sittings send metta to all the people who are touching my life, opening myself to all these spirits…
I feel humble and grateful living these times… surrounded by the people I am surrounded… living along with great spirits who deeply care for this world and for the people… for keeping humanity human… for bringing back the true nature of us, for efforts that they… we 🙂 [mind: “is this humbleness?]… put in for remembering, manifesting who we are in our pure true essence… for looking at the veil of illusion, delusion… for recognizing the power that lies within…
on to the mat…
The Rupture of the Mother Line and the Cost of Becoming Real
there is more beyond what is written here… at different levels…
thinking of myself… my dear sister, our mom, of Pearl and of many… many other women (and men) I met in this lifetime…
With each wave of grief we re-unite with the parts of us we had to disown in order to be accepted by our families.
Unhealthy systems need to be disrupted in order to find a new, healthier, higher-level equilibrium. It’s a paradox that we actually heal our mother line when we disrupt the patriarchal patterns in the mother line, not when we remain complicit with the patriarchal patterns to maintain surface-level peace. It takes grit and courage to refuse to comply with patriarchal patterns that have generational momentum in our families.
[…]
Part of the process is about embracing this deep, existential grief so that you can finally be initiated into the freedom and creativity of your own life. And ultimately this grief gives way to genuine compassion and gratitude for our mothers and the mothers before her.
[…]
Even though we are adult women, we still long for mother. What can be truly heartbreaking is to feel this longing for mother and know that your own mother cannot fill this longing, even though she tried her best. It’s important to face this fact and grieve. Your longing is holy and must be honored. Allowing space for this grief is an important part of being the good mother to yourself. If we don’t mourn our unmet need for mothering directly, it will unconsciously seep into our relationships, causing pain and conflict.
Source: @ http://www.womboflight.com
identify the mystery
Ronen just sent us this link to Paul‘s post from today.
<3finding myself more and more comfortable in this…this… trusting the mystery…this… more and more comfortable “I don’t know”… it’s even soothing sometimes!!! reconnects me with peace…this… trusting that I (higher self) is and will ALWAYS find (re/discovering) the way…this… unfolding… without the need of knowing where… how… if…this… freedom I am in touch with in some moments…this… knowing it is me!…this… wanting to be and going for it… where all THESE are nurtured… respected… supported… and can be expressed in a way I feel and am “normal”…THIS is HOME!_/\_<3P… Pearl
this morning I opened my eyes before 7:00… it was total silence and I had this sense again that something invited me to wake up… in the most soft way…
I was only myself still… IT didn’t enter my space… yet I felt so connected…
the dawn was cracking into the light… a bit of light was coming into the room…
bhudeva was in total peace, serenity… i… the same
in a soft alertness… attentive, my mind was sharply clear, still in that space between the worlds where thoughts are ready to be born, my heart was soft and at ease, my body relaxed… in the next moments, really close to the moments next to waking up, I felt my attention drawn to my right ovary… a short physical soft-sensation was pinpointing to that space-place…
there and then in that state of being… it came to me…
it arouse into my awareness: P… Pearl… like this!… first the first letter… then… THE name… i stayed with that observation into the awareness, like something obvious (firesc, normal) was communicated TO me. serene…
then my mind came in…
i was noticing all the questions coming into my head, each asking for priority to be answered… “what name is this?!” “how do you really spell it?” “Is it a girl or a boy’s name?” “are you serious, I am Romanian… we live in Romania… what kind of a name is this in Romanian!? my Romanian family, some friends cannot even spell it!”, “how can you name a baby like that, here?!”, “is this baby wanting this name?”, ” is THIS the baby’s name?”… and so on…
followed my mind… started my phone.
first thing I wrote shortly to Ronen: “Perl”… as we were talking last time yesterday about “it”.
I went then into searching for the name meaning. I know what pearl means… I was thinking at the same time about how fascinated I am about the unfolding wholeness in which a pearl is coming into being, the preconditions needed for it (“HER!” it’s coming into my mind more and more) to emerge, how it’s shaped and born, how it’s growing, slowly, gradually.
I was browsing after “perl name meaning”… and found the IT/Tech area… noticing thinking about myself “not again!” (I was an IT person, in the past).
then I realized I wanted to search for “Pearl name meaning”!… found this: fruit, result, precious (latin), jewel, margarita (Greek), gabish (Hebrew, I found crystal for this too…), a gem of the sea…
my mind was searching, asking… so busy…
I left my phone, took a deep breath and my awareness was back into my body and inner space… back with that obviousness of the moment.
spend (t)here some time…
got up from bed, went to the window… the day was still birthing… more and more light was coming into the room… looked outside at bhudeva… serene… looked at myself looking at bhudeva…
i was in this sense-knowing I start to be clear…
now as I am writing this I notice my mind going in circles… telling me I am ballooning myself… I let that be with softness… being also connected with the clearness.
<3
now I can finally talk to YOU :), Pearl, not with “it”… as I did up until now.
thank you for reveling yourself, Pearl, for living me inside, for being with me, with us, for bringing us ALL the love you are, offering yourself to this world…
Pearl, I have so much to offer, to be, to say, to share… please, guide me <3
I am listening… <3
PS: I notice my old-story thoughts like “are you really posting this publicly on this website?! you know the whole world will see it, right?!” coming in…
yes, I AM, I know!! :)…
nothing to hide… in fact… so much to share…. to share my love <3 … to see myself…
I am sacred… how can I HIDE THIS?!!?!?!
<3
I see you <3
“When an awakened woman looks into you, she sees your depths and awakens you to it. She brings a new you into existence. You connect to the same place in the other from which you come.
When you greet another and say ‘I see you’, a miracle happens.”
Sukhvinder Sircarto life – a natural birth in nature
WARNING: This video is explicit, especially as it is shot outdoors in broad daylight. If you choose to watch it, please watch it with respect and understand that it is very exposing for Simone to share herself in this way.
Simone, grateful for your being… and for sharing this with the world…
“To Life. I surrender myself in complete trust and you gave me back to myself. I am your servant forever in love and devotion.”
Simone
<3
love and profound reverence to all godmothers of this world