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Author: Iulia
moments around the mat
there are moments when I want to go on the mat and moments when I don’t have the wanting yet I have the doing of going to the mat… when I feel driven…
there are moments of preparing the mat… each of the candle lightning, setting the polystyrene, mat, block, taking off my accessories… in those moments I usually look at myself and my attitude towards going on the mat…
then there are the moments before the practice, the moments of arriving into position, the moments when coming into the practice, settling on… looking at the mind… the state of being…
there are moments before the asana…
the moments when breath and movement are aligned…
the moments of spacious inhale, attentiveness to the directionality, in the thorax, as my lung inflate towards the diaphragm…
and the moments when inhale ends… the moments after the inhale…the moments between the inhale of exhale, the moments before the exhale… then the exhale…
the moments when length of the inhale / exhale is not enough… the moments when I look at this, smile inside and move on… moments when I judge myself for that…
the moments when I see the yawning, laziness or sleep kicking in and the moments when I bring that into the attention and move on…
the moments when my mind is away and the ones when I notice that and bring it back…
the moments when I am not there and do a “wrong” repetition or the moments when I don’t know which number of the repetition it is that and exactly that is informing me about the state of the mind in those moments…
there are sometimes (many, still) the moments at the end of an asana when I think forward to what follows, noticing my content 🙂 about knowing what follows in the sequence of the whole practice…
there was also one moment when I felt so asleep that I went to sleep right there, ON the mat, just because my mind was keeping telling me “come on, you cannot sleep ON the mat!” 🙂 I could… really well!!
there are moments after the practice when I sense a dissatisfaction feeling… smiling and moving on with the day (to the next practice in life)…
there are moments when I don’t see the moments… or when I don’t know how moments passed…
there are moments when I know “I didn’t do it right”… and moments when I look at my mind thinking “I am doing it right”… both sides of the same coin… time to keep “en guarde”.
there are moments of still mind, completeness, wholeness… that are here many times after the practice, a deep satisfaction beyond the satisfaction of completing one practice in that day…
the moments when I wonder why am I doing this… and the moments when there is a complete trust and deep knowing about the doing and the meaning of it beyond that specific moment in time and space…
Sacred Birthing Insights from “Sacred Birthing – Birthing a New Humanity”
Below are the extras of Sacred Birthing Insights from the Sacred Birthing – Birthing a New Humanity book, by Sunni Karll.
Chapter 1 – Birthing the Whole Being
“We need to create a new being who has a maximum capacity to love.” – Dr. Michelle O’dent
- Birth is the essence of evolution. The gift of a sacred birth fosters peace in our babies, our self, our community and our sacred planet.
Chapter 3 – Pursuing Wholeness For Each New Born
“Civilization will commence on the day when the well-being of the newborn will prevail over any other considerations.” Wilhelm Reich
- Father is an essential participant of preconception to birth and beyond. His love is the current that opens mother’s heart to birth their baby at this vibration. He is invited by his baby to offer his energetic alignment of love to baby’s life.
- Baby’s birth time determines a lifetime. By honoring labor as and when it presents, we honor and protect the timing of birth chosen by this soul.
Chapter 4 – Birthing Consciously: Your Gift of Love
“What we do around birth will define society.” Margaret Mead
- Love creates a high vibration at birth to support the synchronization of body and soul. This orders the body’s energy field to enable Divine rapport within and offer a life of coherence.
- Trust upholds the field of birth ad invites the help of our highest guidance.
- Each birth is unique and unfolds in its own perfection.
- Bonding is the parents opportunity to preserve their baby’s loving essence and to offer a foundation of emotional safety.
Chapter 5 – Sacred Birthing Insights
“In bringing back birth in accord with Natural Law, all influences are eliminated that sabotage human relationship and the deepest connection to Source, for they are one and the same.” World Mother
- Aligning with the Divine before conception is the highest alliance.
- First, do no harm.
- The baby’s souls is a conscious creator and participant in conception and birth.
- Weaving soul and body-consciousness before birth supports internal allegiance for life.
- The patterns baby carried into conception, and the experience from conception through birth creates a blueprint that the child will recapitulate during life and be called to heal.
- Compassion for the baby’s experience opens our heart and leads us to sacred action.
- Sacred Technology enhances vitality, stability and health of mother and baby.
- Mother lovingly and courageously follows the lead of her baby’s soul into conception and labor. Her innate ability to give birth is within every cell and she trusts her inner strength to guide her way.
- Natural birth protects baby’s consciousness and helps retain the divinity of the newborn. /the Universe celebrates the conscious newborn.
- Birth is an initiation, a rite of passage for all involved.
- Protecting the umbilical cord upholds the energy field and protects baby’s immune system.
Creating Sacred Birthing creates Sacred Living, creates Sacred Deathing, creates Sacred Birthing, creates Sacred Living, creates…
—
grateful for Sunni.. my deepest love and appreciation for what she IS.
<3
on avidya
“avidya – literally “knowledge other then right knowledge” – is a false state of understanding. […] we can see avidya expressed in four different ways:
- first, there are false values arising from the constant references to “I” and “me” […]
- secondly, is expressed as excessive attachment or desire. […]
- unreasonable dislikes […]. usually they result from painful experiences in the past that are connected with particular objects and situations.
- fear of what is to come […] Pantajali tells us that fear is perhaps the most difficult of all obstacles to overcome.”
[1] Health, Healing & Beyond YOGA and the Living Tradition of KRISHNAMACHARYA, chapter “The Ancient Teachings” – T.K.V. Desikachar and R.H. Cravens
solutions that help to overcome the problems
“solutions that help us to overcome the problems[…]
- adopting a more positive attitude towards others;
- correctly taught techniques of breathing;
- regular and far-reaching inquiry into the role of senses*;
- inquiry into the mysteries of life itself;
- recourse to the counselor of someone who has mastered similar problems;
- inquiry into our dreams, our sleep.”
[1] Health, Healing & Beyond YOGA and the Living Tradition of KRISHNAMACHARYA, chapter “The Ancient Teachings” – T.K.V. Desikachar and R.H. Cravens
*my note: vipassana is an deep inquiry into the role of senses and what’s beyond senses. anapana is a technique of following the breath.
about… many things 🙂 at once
a dear soul sister gave me this link in some of the last days… she told me that what is written there is what she lived with her first baby born, word by word…
i read this text more then 10 times since she gave me the link… it is with me… it brought many feelings at the surface.
i didn’t gave birth yet… to a baby… and I’m sometimes full of fears around maternity and motherhood since Pearl is around.
fear of not being good enough… fear of not “creating” the “perfect” conditions… of not “having” a “proper” space and context to welcome a baby… fear of receiving a baby in this world, fear of “what if somehow life comes to a point where I need to raise her… them alone”, fear of “what would my family think?”, fear of how ripples of the social norms/patterns/prejudice will affect her, us, fear of my own limitations limiting her, fear because some of my dear ones are not welcoming her in their full heart…
I notice all these fears in me… sometimes the almost-panic state of mind signalizes me that fears are here… sometimes it gets me… and I freeze… then I breath again… sometimes I cannot pinpoint cause of the fear and sadness that I feel coming trough me… and I just am.. with that… breathing… crying… shaking… crying some more… being close to the silence that I can be…
looking at all these… and at the same time.. looking at me… being soft with it.
if it is one thing I noticed about myself in the last more then an year, it is the softness about my patterns, my fears, my old stories… the acceptance and knowing it will all pass… and I need those, to be truly me…
it sooths me… it cleans me… and it is not only about me… it is about all the women in this world… my mom, my sis, my grandmothers, by grand-grandmothers… all my soul sisters which are traveling the path of life here…
and at the same time I experience the feminine energy, the mother inside me that comes with caring, patience, kindness, sharing, calm, noble silence…
I feel grateful for these gifts… for serving as a becoming-mom, for this gift of feeling myself as a mother, for the healing and cleaning that “is happening”, for the embrace that I am offered by Pearl, for the flow that I am with, for the unfolding I am kept in touch with by her presence…
Pearl is more present in the framework of my body that I am, at many times. then I am offered the deep care and love I feel coming from Ronen… a beamer which keeps me in touch with ground-real-sharp-soft life. all these brings me closer to the Mother… to the mother in me also… to the woman… to the maternity… to the motherhood. one of the many times I told him “I am happy”, he replied “don’t worry, it will pass” [there you go… vipassana in a nutshell :))]. yes, it will definitely pass… meanwhile I decided to look at it. and also, when my other side feelings are coming to me… that keeps me in check… not deluding myself…
I know there are some monsters in my cellar… I want to embrace them when they come out… and to play together… I think they might use some joy and innocence… and singing… and dancing.. and sitting in silence… together! 🙂 will see how that goes…
I am here… don’t know if “ready”… definitely open and breathing… to experience all my shadows, to let them be in light… to heal my roots and to grow more deeper ones, to leave behind the having, the possessing and the need for demonstrating anything… to anyone…
… to embrace… to receive… to breath… to breath some more
Laura says that our identity also goes away at the moment we become mothers… I don’t know many times what / who I am… what is this “I”… looking forward to experience what’s coming, healing, dying, birthing… while breathing.
I look at myself “looking forward” to all these :)) and smiling… we’ll speak soon… :))
thank you, Oana, for bringing Laura around… for being… you 🙂
thank you, Laura, for the woman that you are, for sharing that with the world, for touching my heart
<3
The Rupture of the Mother Line and the Cost of Becoming Real
there is more beyond what is written here… at different levels…
thinking of myself… my dear sister, our mom, of Pearl and of many… many other women (and men) I met in this lifetime…
With each wave of grief we re-unite with the parts of us we had to disown in order to be accepted by our families.
Unhealthy systems need to be disrupted in order to find a new, healthier, higher-level equilibrium. It’s a paradox that we actually heal our mother line when we disrupt the patriarchal patterns in the mother line, not when we remain complicit with the patriarchal patterns to maintain surface-level peace. It takes grit and courage to refuse to comply with patriarchal patterns that have generational momentum in our families.
[…]
Part of the process is about embracing this deep, existential grief so that you can finally be initiated into the freedom and creativity of your own life. And ultimately this grief gives way to genuine compassion and gratitude for our mothers and the mothers before her.
[…]
Even though we are adult women, we still long for mother. What can be truly heartbreaking is to feel this longing for mother and know that your own mother cannot fill this longing, even though she tried her best. It’s important to face this fact and grieve. Your longing is holy and must be honored. Allowing space for this grief is an important part of being the good mother to yourself. If we don’t mourn our unmet need for mothering directly, it will unconsciously seep into our relationships, causing pain and conflict.
Source: @ http://www.womboflight.com
metta to all wombs and tears
heart in heart with my sisters out-there
…and here is the accompanying post of the same author, coming to meet the reactions of women to the previous post… which gets me to my own tears…
I’m meeting my power lately… and with power comes vulnerability… truthfulness… clarity… allowance of being what is… acceptance of what is… love and kindness… along with all the manifestations of the programs I have registered in my 38 years of this life…
all these come with a lot of tears for me…
tears which are cleansing… deeply… warm tears… loving and compassionate tears for the spirit which is now finding way back home…
empowering tears… knowing and trusting… and not knowing…
metta to all women and men who are on the way
<3
to all the moms in the world
to all the moms in the world
Coming of Age ~ How we finished breastfeeding
in love with you, Sommer <3
in love with you, Mason <3
ma mut: intrebare spatiu Cluj Napoca
salut,
ma mut inspre Cluj Napoca, langa mai precis…
ideea e ca am mobilier de birou pe care l-as oferi cu drag pentru amenajarea unui birou in Cluj.
mobilierul e destul de simplu si util:
- trei dulapuri cu 5 rafturi fiecare (culoare lemn natur)
- doua mese mari (culoare wenge) de 110 x 80 (cred)
- o masa joasa ovala (culoare lemn natur)
- trei fotolii comode (IKEA), culoare bordo
- doua fotolii poang (culoare rosu)
- 10 scaune pliante din lemn (culoare lemn natur)
alte utilitati:
- printer mic simplu A4, alb-engru, HP
- printer color HP
- laptop DELL (destul de vechi)
- scanner BearPaw
- un tablou mare perete (culori toamna)
- flori mari in ghivece
- 10 perne pentru scaune sau sezut pe jos
- un ceas de perete
mobilierul a fost folosit pana acum la amenajarea unui birou in care s-au desfasurata activitati precum: consiliere in cariera unu-la-unu, workshopuri cu grupuri, consiliere psihologica, drama-terapie, sesiuni / grupuri de suport / cursuri pentru grupuri mici etc.
in acest moment ma mut langa Cluj Napoca… as cauta parteneri sau un spatiu in Cluj Napoca (o camera, doua?) in care sa ofer tot ce e mai sus.. in schimbul utilizarii (foarte rar) a spatiului respectiv.
daca stii pe cineva interesat te rog sa oferi informatia mai departe sau daca e cazul sa imi dai un semn la iulia . sara [ at ] gmail . com .
multumesc.
sa vedem unde duce si asta 🙂
The Pain You Feel is Capitalism Dying
The Pain You Feel is Capitalism Dying
yes, it hurts… I know it… it hurt me from the moment I started to put my heart into everything I did… to relate heart to heart with the people I worked with.
it hurt so much that my body was screaming in illness (heart, thyroid, stomach, sexuality etc.). i killed my pain with more “work”, getting to sleep on my working desk from 5 to 7 am (it was no point of going home, having almost no sleep then coming back), numbing my feelings, living as a dead near the persons who loved me – crying out that I am not there until their tears dried off too -, me smiling on the outside to everyone, dying inside, searching for different therapists to solve my issues, even flying to USA for this(!).
something was not right, I was not doing it right… everyone else was seeming to be alright. they were not… I realized it after many years that they were also not alright. they were also struggling.
then I stepped out…
first (2005) when my heart was so torn from a decision of my boss, that I swore to myself I will never work with people who are not in their hearts.
secondly (2008) when I realized I was doing a crapy (not really wanted) job hoping they will fire me (not having the courage to scream out-loud!). they didn’t – I quit.
since 2005 I have the privilege to understand… and to connect the dots.
since then, working with career counseling, I know… when there is no heart, there is no life, when gifts are not acknowledged and manifested there is a hard time, stressful time, painful time… and not only for the person itself.
and yes, it’s a hard time to place your heart and gifts in organizations who are extracting wealth out of you, organizations which only claims to have you as their center, who claims to take care of you.
back in Feb 2015 I realized I will never find myself going back to the business environment again, at least for the one which is happening now… and it’s not going in a good direction.
Joe Brewer is right, IT is dying…
maybe there will be organizations which look like Frederic is describing, will see…
meanwhile, I choose to be next to children making sure their wings are clean, next to youth and adults who are in search for their hearts, gifts… for themselves… be close to them… hold the mirror so that they KNOW they are ALRIGHT!
precious humble job – sometimes is called facilitator, sometimes career counselor. I’m doing… nothing – they do everything – they have that power.
I light candles… I hold mirrors…