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Farewell, Sia baby, thank you for each moment!
I wanted to post about Sia, our Labrador puppy, for a long time… now the time, out time together… is gone. I write this to not forget. How can I?…
Sia was a gift from Kati, on old friend of mine from Tg. Mures. It was coming into our lives right after Ricky has gone… Her mom, Sofi, had a litter of 10 puppies.
Sia and all her brothers (seven) and sisters (other two) were born softly, in the night, in the silence of Sofi’s cage, at home, with the whole family watching them from a distance, in awe.
We first visited them when the puppies were about 5-6 weeks young. And I wanted Kati to keep Sia until she well be 8 weeks, so she can have more time with mom and her family.
Sofi and her 10 hungry balls of pure joy 
how can you not love them, she’s there somewhere! if I remember correctly, Sia is the first on the left. We went after her in Tg. Mures in the 8th of June, two day before me leaving for the vipassana retreat. I remember feeling jealous at him for being her “mom”, as he would be the first to care for her (feed her, pet her, caress her) in her first period with us here at Bhudeva. She was two months then,
When we departed from Kati’s me, Kati and the kids weer all crying… Sia was the last puppy who was leaving home and Sofi… and for them. I was projecting my feeling on Sofi, who was left with no puppies out of ten, on the kids who needed to say goodbye to all of them… I was feeling about9 Sia, being “taken” away from what she felt familiar until that moment, with no gradual process in between worlds. I was also happy, that this little tiny fluffy living thing is coming into our lives.
On our drive back home she was crying a bit no sensing any of the familiar smells, but also curious and exploring the new smells (of us, of the car, of everything new, of the big world outside). I was comforting her talking with her with soft voice, petting her. She slept on the bin that we’ve put her in. We stopped and peed a few times outside on the grass, on our way.
When we arrived home she was fast tired of all the new things… she slept on my arms for the first time. I felt blessed.
In fact her first days, weeks were all about eating, sleeping, pooping, peeing, chewing… everything what a baby dog is about. She eat, she move around a bit and then she just dropped there where she was, falling asleep. Sometimes we were playing and she was… falling asleep :).
I left and Ronen was here training her – when I left I was thinking with my old patterns: please, don’t brake her… let her BE, free… she was free! And Ronen was right all the time – she needed emotional stability with firmness.
She learnt fast to sit for food. She was a FAST learner… eager to do things for us. To BE with us… she followed us everywhere.
She was all about JOY… enjoying life every step. Every blade of grass existed like it was made for her to play with.
Ronen is usually peeing outside, next to the trees and around Bhudeva’s green Beings… Sia was his pee guardian :).
In a few weeks after we brought her home she learnt how to hunt bugs, after the sun set. Right after the sunset, there were some bugs coming out of grass outside in the valley. I was noticing her a few evenings dissappearing, wondering what she is after. One evening I went after her, watching her from a distance. She was out in the valley, hunting… the bugs, as they were trying to come out of the grass. I was so proud of her: quite some protein intake (yum, yum for her!) and my little hunter… versatile and free rage baby dog! She was still little.
our first days together <3 Anyway, she was growing like crazy. Many times when we were coming inside the house, after a few hours of not seeing her, when we saw her again, we were: “OMG, you grew some more again since we haven’t seen you!” I was amazed of how fast she was growing! I knew big dogs are going like that but to see it “in action”…!
She was chewing everything at… mouth! 🙂 We were gifted by Sweety some toys Fram din’t play with: the duck, a frisbee, a snake – cordeline. Then wood which is everywhere around…
I have something to chew on, in my mouth, even if you don’t see it 🙂 
Chewing on pork leather (have no idea where she got it from!, now it’s dry, she was dragging it fresh for a few days before this) When we were playing SHE was SO into it! She wanted to play with us! She was bringing the duck to us, just for a little tug-of-war.
The duck was her favorite toy. She was chewing on it many times, often. She was fetching it also. She WAS indeed a retriever. She was fetching the duck, the frisbee, a piece of wood if it was thrown for that. In the first weeks when we started to play, as she was still small and the grass was taller then her, she would lost the fetch sometimes. In times, she learnt to “search” just by saying the word while she was looking for it. It’s amazing how that duck lasted to long in Sia’s mouth!
She was a devourer while eating. In fact she was vacuuming, not eating. She would eat anything. Swallowing hole. We gave her kibbles and also brought raw chicken from Oncos, and sometimes left-over cheese and cooked food. She enjoyed fruits (banana, watermelon, peach, apricot, apples). She eat some carrots and raw zucchini. She didn’t like tomatoes :). She also, in time, learnt to wait for Indi, our other dog, to eat and leave. Indi sometimes left kibbles in her plate, so Sia was waiting patiently for Indi to leave so she can eat also that food. We called her “The Beats” – as a sweet code name for when we were talking about her without her knowing this… then it become a second name when we were referring her.
She learnt to go to the sheepfold in the valley and scrap on sheep leftovers the Sheppard were scarifying there. She was bringing everything home… so our yard transformed soon into a.. graveyard :). sheep parts (bones with some leftover on them mostly) all over the place. The most interesting times were the hottest days this summer (37-38 C) and outside was smelling so… delicious, I assume, for her :). I was collecting the dried leftover bones every couple of weeks, was she was finishing taking everything out of them. She was so enjoying herself: either chewing on bones, or playing with them sometimes… It was just like having kids with toys spread all over the place – there’s no point in “cleaning” the house every day, tomorrow it’s a new play-time full day!
collecting sheep parts from the yard 🙂 She enjoyed being in the hummock. Every time I was putting it on, she come and asked to be on. She would play with me, then settle and relax, even sleep in it. Sometimes after me leaving the hummock, she would stay some more… relaxed and enjoying… The last times when I got her on, she was SO heavy.
shhhh, I’m sleeping 🙂 
hey, you woke me up! 🙂 Here’s some glimpses of our love affair, in the hummock…
She was SO BEAUTIFUL! Beautiful skin, beautiful body, beautiful fur, beautiful eyes, beautiful eye-lashes, beautiful paws… she was well proportions, getting so powerful and strong every day.
When she was around you just could not be sad. She filled you with joy, instantly. When we were working in the cellar she come over. Playing with everything – with some sand grains, with the handle of Ronen shovel, with the soil he was digging out, with a leaf on the pathway, with something we was carrying around…with EVERYTHING! 🙂 She was sleeping next to us working… in such confidence… we were carrying well-barrows around, passing with the weels just cm away from her head and nose… when she was in deep sleep nothing could disturb her. She was so funny learning how to come to us in the back-up side of the construction – not to whine from below but to go around and really get to us, just to be petted in joy!
She was healthy…. until two days ago, when we notice her not coming for food. No rotating her tale, coming only the 6th time on call… strange for our Sia… That was not Sia that we knew… I thought she was in some distress so we let her be… but she was not going well. Yesterday morning Ronen woke me up early (for me)… waiting for me to wake up and saying “Sia needs help”. When I heard his tone I knew it was not good.
hummocking… with our beautiful loving baby girl, Sia. Look how BIG she got! Our Sia baby passed away last evening at couple of minutes after 22:00… outside and inside also today… grief… don’t know what I am grieving about… filled with sadness. can’t find the reason to live… I know this will pass to. I want to be with it. I know, how it was some other times, will bring me more profoundness and even more love for life. Now it’s this…
We agreed (Ronen proposed) to cremate her. It felt right – free her into the sky above.
Her last moments into that form… I asked for the duck… Ronen found it into the night, put her next to her mouth… she will play with and chew on it, forever!
… to ashes… I feel empty, hollow. This morning I couldn’t find a reason to get up. Went outside – the yard if full with leftover bones Sia chewed on in the last weeks. A plastic bottle also… there’s an emptiness outside… and I know is the projection of the emptiness inside me. Anyway, the air is not filled with this creature who came to me in joy to express her happiness that I went outside and that wanted just to be around. Her tail was a separate creature. She was the only dog I met who was not waving her tail but rotating it. Like a rotor. and it was not only her tale but her whole body was rejoicing the tail in happiness. We were joking with Ronen that we should connect her tail to some power generator and use some happy-free energy.
In the time we’ve spent together, from 8th of June to Sept 16 (2017) she brought JOY.. pure joy into our lives. She was living in the present moment: now eating, now playing, now sleeping, now eating, now playing, now playing, now playing. She was my Master of Joy… every day I was here with her. There were times when I felt lower on energy… I only needed to go out and see her and her tail <3…
I can write so many details about many things – these are the ones that carved my soul these days…
- about how I tried until almost the last moment, to keep her… Ronen was more present then me,
- how I still hoped her strong body and health will hold longer, realizing much later she was not going too,
- how aggressive this virus / or poison was… taking her away so fast,
- how yesterday, in the cellar, sensing that smell and thinking a few times “What is with this smell of death here?” was so clear,
- how my thoughts of guild are creeping in: “If I would have been doing things earlier”, “if I would have paid more attention and take action”, “if I would have not trust the vet in village” etc., etc.
- how I felt Ronen’s tears too,
- how I was gifted to assist a passing over (my first one like this, with complete form): the day before yesterday seeing her not-her, yesteday in pain, the final struggle of a body in total pain and collapse, the peaceful surrender and relaxation in her body before the last breaths, the last breaths, her last breath… and total silence… Ronen with his hand on her heart in her last moments, mine on her shoulder, caressing her, being there with her…. On the deck, where we spent much time together.
- how we let her pass away between planes, sitting next to her, talking to her, touching her face and body as the body was getting cold, comforting her while her spirit still can feel bodily sensations (they say), Ronen lighting a candle…
- how Ronen again, did the preparing for cremation.. me being with “how many of our babies we’re still going to bury?”
- me not wanting to live anymore… yet still knowing this will pass too, something else will come, which will pass
Ah… her name came to me when Kati said she will gift us a puppy, in our phone conversation back in May. It suddenly came to my mind, as I was listening to Kati on the phone.. “Sia”… as a short for Anastasia… Sia means “immortal” in Greek”, and “the one who brings joy” in Persian. I found out later…
All the other pictured I have with her…
There are so many inside… I need to stop, try to sleep…. see what tomorrow brings…
Some words from Sunni’s book come to me know, so I will follow:
Creating Sacred Birthing, creates Sacred Living, creates Sacred Deathing, creates Sacred Birthing, creates….
Life and death themes are with me in the last 2 years now… the wheel keeps turning…
Baby girl, Sia, I will forever be grateful for spending this time together, gifting us with your pure JOY for life! Thank you for your Being, for being my Master of Joy! I still need to learn, cause’ in these moments I so miss you, can’t stop crying when I walk outside, can’t believe I cannot old and touch you anymore… and don’t want to keep you from your way with this! Thank you for gifting me, us, with your life and death…
Thank you, Kati, Jano, Julcsi, Andi es Perike – for gifting us such Joy! <3
my last picture of you 🙂 in this full-living beautiful form. we were harvesting “experimental” tomatoes from our raised-beds covered with carpets… You are free, baby girl! You are in the stars now….
May you forever in-joy, whatever form you’ll choose…
May you play along forever, with whatever Universe will bring your way… you have with you the ever-lasting-duck toy, now…
May you find peace and harmony…
May I learn from you…
Anastasia on goddesses <3
How can I not believe in all the women, Vladimir, since I know that Divine essence is present in every woman living on Earth today? So let it reveal itself in all its resplendent array! Goddesses! Women of the Divine Earth! Reveal in yourselves your own Divine essence. Show yourselves to the whole Universe in all the beauty of your original pristine presence. You are a perfect creation, you are created from the Divine dream. Each of you is capable of taming the diverse energies of the Universe – dear women, goddesses of all the Universe and the Earth.
<3
Excerpt from the Book Co-Creation (book four of the Ringing Cedars series), by Vladimir Megre
Today’s smooothie
I’ve just made myself a smoothie:
- one banana,
- mangold and parsely leaves (fresh from the garden),
- blueberries (fresh, bought 15 kg a few days ago, from the mountain),
- 1 tsp hemp seeds,
- 2 slices of melon,
- 1 tsp of honey with fir syrup
Forgot to put in some walnuts and almonds :)… but it is great even like this.
birth, life, death continuum, dispersed
I wanted to post this on the 9th of April…
I am with the life and death themes for a long time now.
when I am connected, bhudeva showes me how the dance of birth, life & death goes… a butterfly passing buy… a dead snail in my shoes (killed by me stepping on it), a egg lost from a nest, an empty nest, nesting doves in our home, flying parent bird along with chicks in the sky – learning to fly, Indi moving slower from getting old, the house disintegrating, a LOT of mothers and babies around
Ricky disappeared: tomorrow will be one month since she’s not around anymore. I searched for her… called.. waited… I wanted closure… in the days that I still waited for her to appear I talked to Kati – she was telling me that Sofi gave birth to 10 wonderful puppies… And he whole family assisted to the birth… in the night… including their three kids… she said it was so soft, peaceful, normal… “not as women give birth these days”… yeah…
and as I was sharing with her about Ricky, she said she will offer us one of the puppies…
A Pearl come and went away… it was the 9th of April last year when she came into the physicality (8th of April, one day before, the papers of our divorce came out). it was the 16th of May afterwards when she left the first time.
she join the physicality again on the 28 of June (first ovulation after she left)… she left again on the 6th of September.
Is there other love grater then what I was gifted when she was here? Can LOVE be graded like this? the pain, the emptiness is still here. everything is engraved on the walls of my heart and soul <3.
I shared a video of natural births last days, as it was Mother’s day… Sunni brought it around <3. One of my dear mother friends wrote in private to tell me not to tag her in those kind of post because there are people in her list, even kinds who might see it and not get it. Yes, I can understand what she mean… and still, I am still amazed how we continue to not talk about birth, death as are something out of this world… maybe because we don’t talk about life?… are we ALIVE…?
am I ALIVE? there were moments in the last two months when I couldn’t find, feel my breath. those are the moments when I look at myself thinking that I might be… dead.. and not knowing it. It was one night, when Ronen was still away, in the day he got lost… with me feeling many things coming from him – pure warming vibration-heart melting-whole body embracing LOVE being one of those – and related to that side of the world and his experiences… my heart rate was 125 and rising… I got to a moment of surrendering… letting my body be with whatever experience comes… telling myself “If this is IT, I go in peace, I know love, I feel love, I feel pain, everything… this is life… if death is here, I am ready”. The only thing I was worried about were the technicalities of my funeral and my last wishes (which I didn’t write yet, soon that too…).
I am looking forward to BE at my birth too (writing soon about my conception, mom’s pragnancy, my parents intimacy, my birth and early childhood, talked with my mom for half a year now)… I so look forward to the Heal your own birth workshop, with Sunni…
In the last months didn’t practice… I am with it… I didn’t feel this down, so bottomless since summer time 2010…
one month of not sleeping (more then two hours in a row) and feeling Ronen and Sunni, then Ronen coming back – not settled, feeling him… then strained ankle (exactly two weeks ago, outside, transplanting vegetables)… feeling confined in my body, sometimes not trusting it… wanting to GO AWAY, to heal… not knowing in those moments I WAS HEALING…. meeting Marcel and Bowen… reconnecting with my amazing beautiful healing body, feeling it AS IT IS HEALING, meeting Octav in the hospital, even if I said I am assuming that way… feeling not clear and even raped when they took out Marcela’s bandage… being dependent on someone else to carry my to pee, eat and everything else… my mind away, I feel I am not me… I feel I am everyone else who doesn’t feel worthy, good enough, worthy to be loved, embraced, not seen etc…
amazed how bodies keep living even when we are dead inside… even when we (I!) don’t trust…
I feel I am disconnected now even from bhudeva… the green Beings that I planted… they did not came “as I have expected”… I feel it is about my relationship with them… in fact about not being there… not giving full life to that relationship (as I see relationships as a living Being of it’s own).
occupying my mind with True Blood these days, weeks…
cold, low energy level, depleted…
too much thinking about thinking, going out into the Light… with a decaf and something sweet to keep me inside the framework of my body (feeling the sensations).
![[music] Iyeoka – Poem of love](http://iulia-sara.ro/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/Iyeoka.jpg)
[music] Iyeoka – Poem of love
I’ve discovered this yesterday… lyrics below…
Imagine the world, the world, the world without a song
Without a bass, a bass, a bass without a drum
Can you imagine the night, the night, the night without the moon
And when the daylight comes, it comes, but it comes without you?
See you are the song, the bass, the drum, the moon
You are the song to remember me, remember you, discover you
And the world is and we are so in moveSo this is the place that always seems to be better than where you have been
So you run towards the new day rising in the distance
And you walk away from the days that found and fought you
You always seem to hear God when it comes
Even when it comes from the millions of voices that call to youYou make me want to listen for him a little bit harder too
You are a rose that blooms for a second chance on the all of the seasons
A wave that breaks on a shore left for decades deserted
You make me feel like you waited for us to exist
We are a translation of a perfection that just is
So take this hand from me,
Show me to your worldBring this dance alive
Your love can paralyze my feels of falling
Carry my heart slow, see
See, I swear where you go, I’ll follow
See into my soul
And I will take you home to love you
Coz this is a poem for loveWell, I can take one more day
Got to find my way with this one
To see the things I’m not great
All it leaves is a world falling apart
Falling into the deepest part of my heart
I can take my time
The life won’t, won’t just pass me by
I’ma stop tracing outlines
See this is the beauty of flowers growing underneath the sunshineKnowing, water takes water to wine
Wine takes the grapes, grapes make the wine
And the wine breaks, breaks, breaks my veins
I see my, my name inscribing concrete walls
A day beyonds and centuries beyond
I can take myself away but not be gone
If I see my mind, hope on this time
Read the book each page and line by line by line
I can take my time or day to time
I speak my mind, I speak it all high
I speak this rhyme this time and never again, never againImagine the world, the world, the world without a song
Imagine the bass, the bass, the bass without the drum
Can you imagine the night, the night, the night without the moon
And when the daylight comes, it comes, but it comes without you?
See you are the song, the bass, the drum, the moon
You are the song to remember me, remember you, discover you
And the world is and we are so in moveTake this hand from me
Show me to your world
Bring this dance alive
Your love can paralyze my feels of falling
Carry my heart slow
I swear where you go, I’ll follow
See into my soul
And I’ll take you home to love you, love you, love you
I’ll follow you yeah, I’ll follow you yeah, yea
I’ll follow you, I’ll follow you, I’ll follow you, I’ll follow
akua naru – music, sweet
I’ve discovered Akua Naru sometimes last year, she came to me again now… this piece of jazz jam is SO sweet…
sooooo sweet
..inside…
…outside…
…bearfoot
…sensual
we would be…
<3
in a nutshell, from Anastasia [book] “The Space of Love” by Vladimir Megre
“So everything starts with a clean-up, eh? And how do you suppose that’s all going to happen?”
“Conscious awareness is the point of departure for any venture. The aspiration of one’s thought finds the most effective path, just like a stream in Nature.”
chapter 21 – Should we all go to the forest?
“And just how the Creator created everything? And what instrument did he gave to Man for creativity?”
“Thought is the chief instrument of the Great Creator. And thought has been given to Man. Creations are true when thought is brought to fruition through the soul and intuition and feelings, and the main factor here is and will always be: the purity of one’s awareness.”
chapter 23 – Re-creating Shambala
excerpts from “The Space of Love” by Vladimir Megre, book 3 from Anastasia / Ringing Cedars series
there it is, yoga or vipassana in a nutshell, from Anastasia.
![what you offer in return? [book] Anastasia – “The Space of Love”](http://iulia-sara.ro/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/39563216-ray-of-light-e1492780853566.jpg)
what you offer in return? [book] Anastasia – “The Space of Love”
these days I am any times (with, in) my darkness…
also with how this touches the people around me, the people I care for… the ones who are in my heart…
Perhaps Anastasia was right when she said:
“In trying to gain the grace of a holy place, think what you might offer in return. And if you have not learnt to emit light yourself, then why take it and bury it in yourself, as though in a grave?”
excerpt from book “The Space of Love” by Vladimir Megre, third book of “Anastasia” / “Ringing Cedars” books series.
I feel what Anastasia says it applies for persons too, as we are all holy and made of light and a person is a place, a center, a Universe in itself.
when I am the darkness inside me, I reach out for the holy persons next to me… asking for light, for attention, full of drama…
[movie] A Quest for Meaning
There ARE better movies…
I discovered this movie today and it says it’s free to watch until 23rd of April.
Even if the subjects can be treated in a more profound way, the movie touches the most important elements of life as it is now, as it can be, purpose and meaning of humanity.
Maybe for some of us to see…
http://aquestformeaning-themovie.com/
Hope is in the individual.
[Anastasia] Mikhail Petrovich Shchetinin – Kin’s School – Lycee School at Tekos
I’ve always dreams of a forest kindergarden / school. Just days ago, we smiled again with Carmen and Oana about our common dream about this…
Since Bhudeva is home and since I was gifted with Pearl, I knew our kids will come into that kind of environment… and they will be home in THAT environment: in direct contact with Mother Nature, the greatest teachers of all.
Now, in Anastasia’s book “The Space of Love” I discovered something beyond the “forest school”!
Mikhail Petrovich Shchetinin developed a model school in alignment with Anastasia’s Dream of Forest Schools of the Future, where ordinary pupils acquire official bachelor’s and master’s degrees from accredited universities by the time they are seventeen. The pupils cover the whole 11-year curriculum of the compulsory school system in just two years, having designed, built and decorated their campus all by themselves. A ten-year-old girl, for example, can build a house, draw beautifully, cook meals, dance ballroom dance steps and master the fundamentals of Russian martial arts.
Some words about this on loveforlife.com.au.
Shchentinin himself says:
…Years are behind us now. I have held on to the conviction that Man can do everything! It is precisely through making sense of this saying that our multifunctional school, the whole school complex, the whole school-Man, has been developed. Our purpose is not ‘knowledge-know-how-habits’. It is not endless drilling and rote-learning, or the spoon-feeding of information. Rather, it is the raising of Man to live harmoniously, to act in harmony with society – a Man who, when he sees and analyses the phenomena of life which surround him, can feel their interconnection, can perceive the world as a whole. And no matter what he becomes – an engineer, physicist, chemist, builder, teacher etc. – he will understand that he is going out into a whole, complete, unified world!
We are in the process of shaping Man’s ability to get along in this whole, unified world from a very young age. Right from childhood Man must be raised beginning with his roots, with his very essence. And the essence of Man is his humanity. And this consists in re-uniting, one way or another, his life-forces in the struggle against the forces of chaos and disintegration. But the development of Man’s essence is not only the goal – it is at the same time the means to achieving this goal.
After all, why is the idea of the harmony of the individual so attractive and so productive? Because it alone is capable of appreciating the harmony of the world as the most valuable treasure, capable of preserving this integrity, this very harmony that has been in the making over millions of years of evolution…
full article by Shchentinin on thisisenergy.com
A video with the kids in Tekos school:
Forest school in Tekos – a model of the bright future from Yuri Smirnov on Vimeo.
Pictures from the school here, by Yuri Smirnov.
Tekos village, where the school is here on the map… who knows?!…it’s quite near, on the other side of the Black Sea!! 🙂 😉
My heart and mind are blown away by what I discover from Anastasia’s books!
<3
Sunni, there are no words to thank you for bringing Anastasia into my life <3… and I had just a small taste. it feels, SOOOO… familiar, natural, full of love, as a birth right… all that’s in there!
